Jeff Whitten, Columnist
Welcome to another exciting installment of the Pembroke Football Mafia League, and right off, a correction.
In last week’s PMFL column, yours truly reported District 5 County Commissioner Dr. Gene Wallace, DMD, LSD, JROTC, XYZ, Esquire, will see his time on the commission end at the end of the year – or something like that.
Actually, Gene’s got a good ways to go before he’ll be allowed to ride his pony Scootaloo off into the sunset.
According to him, he’s got “two years, three months, 17 days, 18 hours and 27 minutes” left in his term, not that he’s counting.
So how could I get it so wrong?
Easy. As regular readers of this column know, I never let facts stand in the way of a good PMFL story. Plus, in truth I am every bit as dumb as I look.
That aside, Gene is one of Bryan County’s most respected citizens, if you count rich dentists as citizens.
One of my favorite lines attributed to Gene as a commissioner came not long after he was elected – this during the time when Richmond Hill was suing Bryan County over taxes and the Savannah Homebuilders Association was suing Bryan County over its impact fee and ordinances that, among other things, restrict the use of vinyl siding -- which could be why builders keep wanting to be annexed into Pembroke or Richmond Hill.
Oh, and that homebuilders lawsuit is still floating around in the courts.
One thing I find interesting is back in 2019, some five years ago, builders said they couldn’t build a home in Richmond Hill for more than $260,000 and expect to sell it, and all that gubment red tape was driving up the cost of the houses they were building as part of their patriotic duty. Last time I checked, which was a few weeks ago the median price of a new vinyl house in Richman’s Hill was over $400,000.
Anyhow, to paraphrase what Gene said, it went something like “I never was sued once as a dentist in 30 years and I’ve been on this board less than a month and already been sued twice.”
Local government can be hard enough to do well in the best of times – and often thankless enough, and now you throw in the het up folks on social media who ought to know better, and one of these days the only folks who’ll run for office are reality TV stars and people who think they own the place.
In truth, elected officials at the local level often find themselves between a rock and a hard place and they’re routinely forced to make unpopular decisions, and they get more blame than they deserve and sometimes more credit than they deserve, etc.
Except for Gene, who has also discovered that if he rubs Cheetos dust on his skin he’ll turn invisible. Gene should run for Congress.
Standings:
His royal Chief Petty Admiral (retired) B.J. Clark is tied with District 1 County Commissioner Noah Covington for first. Noah is another of those fine old school public servants, and unlike, Gene, he is ending his time on the board in December. Noah will be missed, but not for long. He plans on opening up a trampoline farm to power the next generation of electric hamster wheels.
Stay tuned.
There’s a four-way tie for second, with the Rev. Lawrence Butler, County Administrator Ben Taylor – Ben likes to be called Elroy Jetson, by the way – Gene and me. We all have 12 misses.
Former BCN assistant editor and Michiganian Ted O’Neil is tied with 5,000-year-old sportswriter Mike Brown with 13 misses apiece.
Mike Clark is in fourth place all by himself with 14 misses, but Mike don’t care. Mike has groupies.
Retired Bryan County Fire Chief Freddy Howell has 16 misses and is in fifth place; Alex is in sixth place with 18 misses and County Commission Chairman Carter “Pius Pumpernikel ” Infinger IIIV is in last with 20 misses.
But then, if you read this column backwards then Carter’s in first. See, life is all in how you look at it.
This week’s games:
• Georgia Southern at Georgia State: Alas, how far the Eagles have fallen. Mike B., Rev.
Lawrence and Freddy pick the Panthers, who have the coach Southern should have hired years ago and we’d probably be talking Georgia Southern making runs at the playoffs. The big-boy playoffs.
• Colorado at Central Florida:
Mike, Noah, the Rev. Lawrence and Dr. Gene take Coach
Prime.
• North Carolina at Duke: Alex, Freddy and Dr. Gene take the Tar Heels.
• Oklahoma State at Kansas State:
Noah, Alex, Mike B., Ted and the Rev. Lawrence take the Wildcats.
• U.S. Navy at UAB: Ted and Freddy pick UAB over this country’s first line of defense on the water.
• BYU vs. Baylor: B.J., Alex, Jeff, Ted and Freddy take the Bears.
• Illinois at Penn State: Alex, Jeff, Ted and Freddy say the Fighting Illini are going to whoop some Nittany Lion behind.
• Louisville at Notre Dame: Jeff, Alex, Carter, Noah and Freddy take the Cards, although
• UGA at Bama: The marquee matchup of the week if you’re a Southerner. Jeff (that’s me) and Mike Brown, who used to call Bear Bryant his great nephew, pick the Tide. B.J., who is a diehard Auburn War Seagull fan, says “Roll Tide roll, around the bowl and into the hole.” Is he talking about the loo?
• South Florida at Tulane: Alex, Mike B., Jeff (that’s me), Carter and Freddy take South Florida.
And with that, thanks for not shooting my porch lights out.
Now retired, Jeff Whitten was previously the managing editor of the Bryan County News. Unbeknownst to the current BCN editor, Whitten is also a potato chip connoisseur. His favorite chip flavor is Golden Flake’s Hot Thin & Crispy Potato Chips, although Tom’s Hot Stuff Chips comes at a close second according to him. The more you know.