Rev. Jim Jackson

Richmond Hill Presbyterian Church

As a twenty year old student pastor, I was serving Pleasant Plains Baptist Church in Clayton, Alabama.

(Southern Baptists don’t require a college or seminary education.) Living eighty miles from the church, I received a call informing me that one of our members had accidentally shot himself while climbing through a fence with a shotgun. He was pursuing wild animals who were eating his chickens.

Of course, I did what pastors do. I immediately left home to be with the new widow. She was a school teacher and highly regarded in the community. I arrived at the rural home only an hour and a half after being informed.

The lawn was filled with cars from neighbors, church members, and fellow school teachers. Making my way into the house, I chose a seat next to the grieving widow.

People passed by offering their standard condolences. “I’m so sorry.” “If there’s anything I can do.”

“He’s in a better place.” All of the statements were well intended and meant to be helpful. Could those words have been chosen out of the perceived need to say something, but not really knowing what to say? But there was one woman, a fellow school teacher, who had this advice.

“Honey when you think of him, just remember all the bad things he did or said.” I was nearly blown out of my seat. Did her friend actually believe that would help? Was the friend speaking of her own experience about some loss of her’s? Suppose injury and anger regarding some former infraction, really helps someone in the pain of such a great loss?

The Book of Proverbs says: “words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Surely there is a time for words fitly spoken, yet when we are speaking out of our own anxiety or quickly offering unexamined words, that’s a good time to keep our mouths shut. A quiet presence next to a grieving friend has consoling language of its own. If you doubt that, check out how Job felt about all the advice given to him by friends. Here’s a reply to one of his friends: “So how can you console me with your nonsense?” (Proverbs 21:14).