The first time I went through school I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have. I was too busy wanting the heck out of there. But, I got another chance to revisit elementary school, this time courtesy a career day at Frances Meeks Elementary.

Here’s what I think I learned, in no particular order.

• Teachers are a whole lot better looking now than they were when I was in elementary school 50 something years ago.

• Mullet haircuts are back. Big mullets, little mullets, medium sized mullets. One kid had a ginger mullet. Another fellow about four-foot tall had a mullet so big it looked a rented fur stole hanging out the back of his baseball cap. It was an all-world mullet. I get it, too, because I had a mullet, briefly, 40 years ago. I threw mine back. It was more of a tadpole than a bass.

• Most kids are still polite around adults. Sure, some kids look at you look like something awful is hanging out your nose. Well, maybe something awful was hanging out my nose. I’m getting close to retirement so it happens. Besides half the time anymore I forget to zip my pants up before I leave the house. The rest of the time, well, Erk Russell told that joke better than me. He told jokes better than me in general. And if you don’t know who Erk Russell is you should be required to go back to whatever evil Rust Belt state you fled from to come down here and screw up traffic and buy up all the bottled water and snacks.

• No wonder school systems are always taking breaks. You need a lot of energy to deal with kids all day. I was at this career day about four hours and afterwards needed a nap, a B12 shot and a 12 pack of Wild Turkey.

• The cool guys – the Army, Air Force, Coast Guard, cops and firefighters – always draw a crowd, what with their Humvees and helicopters and fire engines and squad cars and sniffer dogs. The rest of us needed a shtick. One lady had a horse. Some folks brought a garbage truck. A nice banker lady used fake money. And people brought candy or yo-yos or scratch-and-sniff stickers, anything to keep the little urchins from pulling a Lord of the Flies routine and taking over the gym. Just kidding about the Lord of the Flies.

• My shtick was I had a camera, or at least that’s what I started off with. A few of the kids didn’t know photos are sometimes taken with cameras. But when I pointed my cell phone at them they posed up a storm. That’s because American kids today have to be the most photographed group of humans ever to live on our planet, besides jet setters like Carter Infinger and Bryan’s Favorites winners. Also, while they may not read a paper or ever want to read a paper, they know what they are. Their grandma’s have some to line kitty litter boxes.

• I saw a young Air Force trooper with a luxuriant handlebar mustache that probably got washed and blow dried every night because, well, Air Force. He looked sort of like Rollie Fingers, if Rollie Fingers had a beret instead of a baseball cap and a luxuriant mustache instead of something that looked like he stole it from Snidely Whiplash.

• It occurs to me the young airman with the lush handlebar mustache probably doesn’t even know who Rollie Fingers was. It also occurs to me if I had tried to grow a mustache like that when I was in the Army 30 years ago my battery first sergeant would’ve made me scrub latrines with it. Not sure whether he would’ve allowed me to remove it from my lip first.

• A kid asked me how long I’ve been screwing up newspapers. I told her I started in 1995 after I finally graduated from a college. Her response was a jaw drop, then: “OMG, I don’t think my mom was even born back then.” Sigh.

• School still starts way too early in the morning and people are crazy and ornery at that time of day. I live about 35 miles from Frances Meeks and had to show up for the first burst of kids by 8:30 a.m. That meant leaving house at 5:15 a.m. to make sure I didn’t get hung up in traffic, because last time I had to be somewhere about 15 miles away at 8:30 a.m. there was a wreck and it took me an hour to go six miles. I’d like to say that’s the exception rather than the rule, but nope.

This time, I got in the flow of traffic and found myself running 20 mph over the limit, and getting passed and tailgated. It reminded me of Atlanta, which is where this boom is headed. By the time these kids come back to talk about their jobs at career days decades from now, Buckhead there will have met Buckhead here somewhere in Ellabell.

• Finally, free hot dogs cooked by teachers are better than hot dogs you have to pay for. Every time. Joey Chestnut would love career days at Frances Meeks. And so did I. Thanks for the invitation.