They say youth is wasted on the young, but no need to worry–clickbait headlines are on the case.

It hasn’t even been two weeks into the new year before I read my first news article of 2024 that features my absolute favorite genre of headline– the ‘Gen Z will lead to the downfall of civilization’ headline.

I read the notification sprayed across my phone like a billboard ad —“Jodie Foster says generation Z can be ‘really annoying to work with’.

Gee whiz, what a shocker. Young people do things differently. Young people are weird. Where would I be without the valuable insights of theguardian.com?

No hate on Foster, though; her actual interview with Guardian columnist Emma Brockes was very illuminating and I recommend that everyone read it online if you can. I just can’t imagine being a reporter who, when asked to highlight a choice moment from a wide-ranging interview with one of Hollywood’s most iconic actors, decides to pick a leading question that makes the magnificent Jodie Foster sound like the Simpsons meme of “Old Man Yells At Cloud”.

What purpose does it serve, other than to drive engagement on social media? Oh, wait– that is literally the reason why. All someone has to do nowadays to get hits on Facebook and Twitter is tie some inane social phenomena to young people and watch people argue in the comments section.

So far, according to columnists at major and minor publications, millennials/Gen Zers are collectively responsible for destroying: grammar in texting, T.G.I Fridays, motorcycles, cable TV, the mayonnaise industry, and so on and so forth.

When major corporations and media outlets stop treating generation labels like zodiac signs will be the day I know peace. The joke is getting old, much like Gen Xers.

The early bird gets the word

This year, I decided to really commit to one of my New Years’ resolutions: to learn a new language! So I decided to download the app Duolingo in order to advance my progress in learning Dutch.

I picked Dutch because it’s somewhat similar to English, and I didn’t want to bore myself with Spanish again after taking Spanish classes in high school and college ad infinitum. Plus, who doesn’t love stroopwafels and windmills?

But having Duolingo on my phone means that I get constant reminders to practice my Dutch or else I’ll lose my “streak” and fall off the Duolingo points leaderboard–similar to playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade with your best friend and losing badly. (That comparison may or may not be entirely based on me).

I usually spend the most time on Duolingo late at night, like right before midnight. In the meantime, I love watching the animated bird get really agitated on my phone screen as the clock inches closer to 12:00, my little green pigeon absolutely begging me to start on my Dutch lessons. It would be terribly cruel if the bird was actually real. (Please don’t give Mark Zuckerburg or Elon Musk any ideas, though.)

My Obligatory 2024 Golden Globes Commentary™

• I’m so happy for Ayo Edebiri winning a Golden Globe for her role in “The Bear”! She’s one of my favorite actresses; I loved her in that show.

• Kieran Culkin’s acceptance speech where he “called out” Pedro Pascal was hilarious! I’m a big fan of both actors—although to be honest, I was rooting for Pascal.

• If Jo Koy wanted to talk about Taylor Swift so much, he didn’t need to host the Golden Globes; he should have just written an unhinged Op-Ed in the New York Times making assumptions about her sexuality.

• Anyway, his jokes were lame. Can someone bring back Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, please?

• And....Mark Hamill and Natalie Portman finally met in person! A.K.A Luke Skywalker and Padmé Amidala! It’s so weird that they’ve never interacted before, despite both of them playing big roles in the ‘Star Wars’ film franchise. Both of them are so cool.

Andrea Gutierrez is the editor of the Bryan County News