Is it just me or has the whole “getting married” experience become seriously more complex and expensive since my husband and I tied the knot 24 years ago? 

Back then - in the UK at least - there were few bridal showers since they were seen as “an American thing”, although this appears to have changed in recent years. In the USA among young women of my acquaintance it appears that most brides have at least three bridal showers! For example, I hear things like “well there is my bridal shower from my co-workers, my bridal shower for my closest friends, my bridal shower for my family and friends from the town I grew up in and of course the church ladies wanted to throw a shower for me!”

Then there is the relatively new trend of a “bridesmaid proposal”. Back in my day I just asked my close friends if they wanted to be a bridesmaid and bought them each a necklace for the day of the wedding as well as covering the cost of the dresses – but I only had two bridesmaids. Now there are elaborate packages of gifts mailed to close female friends and relatives (up to ten does not appear to be very unusual) which express appreciation and excitement along with a formal proposal to join you on your wedding day.

Also, the bachelor and bachelorette parties have seen excessive growth in length and extravagance. Firstly, instead of bachelor and bachelorette parties, the British enjoy “hen” and “stag” nights – the same tradition, called by a different name. Apparently, according to www.theamericanwedding. com, bachelor parties originated with the soldiers of ancient Sparta when the groom feasted with his male friends the night before the wedding, pledging his loyalty and friendship to them. The friends provided loose women, food and drinks for a night of male bonding. It took many, many centuries before women caught up during the women’s liberation movement of the 1960s, although bachelorette parties did not become common until the 1980s. In both the UK and the USA these pre-wedding celebrations are often no longer just an evening or day-long celebration but often a complete vacation. The cost of this for each participant can be staggering with flights, hotels, spa treatments, wine tastings, restaurant meals and more.

This has all been on my mind because we have just enjoyed a wonderful wedding weekend with very close friends in the English countryside. I can also confirm that the bride had three nights in Italy with her female friends for her “hen do”. The unreliable British weather cooperated, and it was warm and sunny with highs in the low 70s and the sun did not set until nearly 9pm. I have been lucky enough to attend some lovely American and British weddings over the last few years and the differences are still quite distinct.

Firstly, in England there is no “rehearsal dinner” the night before the wedding. The bride and groom say goodbye after the wedding rehearsal and traditionally don’t see each other again until the time and place of the wedding ceremony. Instead, the British bride will often have a low-key dinner at the pub with close friends and family, and the groom will do the same. However, no big, formal dinner hosted by the groom’s parents; nor is there an extra round of gift-giving, toasts or groom’s cake.

Secondly, British weddings are often very long-drawn-out occasions – 13 hours straight for the one we just attended. The wedding is traditionally held much earlier in the day – often around 11am or 12 noon. Then there is a long period of hanging around while the photos are taken– sometimes canapes and drinks are offered so it is important to pace yourself for the constant eating and drinking. Eventually there is a “wedding breakfast” which is not bacon, eggs and cereal but the formal reception of a seated late luncheon and speeches – much like the wedding receptions in the USA but earlier in the day. After about 4 hours of this there might be a short break of an hour or so while the venue is setting up for the “evening reception”. This is when a wider circle of friends is invited to join everyone else who has taken part in the daylong celebration for another six hours or so with a new schedule. The cutting of the cake is often saved for this time, and then the first dance, then a whole new menu of more casual but still hot food, and a live band or disco, and more drinks. Generally, LOTS more drinks.

To understand traditional British guest wedding attire, I suggest Americans think of the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral. Instead of glamorous tuxedos and evening cocktail dresses, men wear suits, ties, often hats, and sometimes patterned “waistcoats” (vests) and bow ties. Women wear formal day dresses with jackets and sometimes hats and must never, ever try to outshine the bride’s long white dress. So, we tend to play it safe and avoid too much glamor.

We also avoid white or ivory dresses, again to keep the focus on the bride.

There is a lot more information at www.history.com I will leave you with a quote by American author and motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar: “Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.”

God bless America and the great English wedding!

Lesley grew up in London, England and made Georgia her home in 2009. She can be contacted at lesley@francis.com or via her full-service marketing agency at www.lesleyfrancispr.com