I recently returned from the UK after an almost farcical journey of reversals in weather patterns. We experienced delays in Savannah because of snow closing the airport and also because of hurricane strength winds in the northern parts of the British Isles closing airports and railway stations on the English side. Add in some flooding in the southwest of the country where we were headed, and it all made for a challenging journey.
Sadly, the reason for our trip was to bury my mother, whose passing was expected after a long illness. During our extended and frustrating journey, I spent a great deal of time thinking philosophically about life and various rites of passage. These are defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “rituals, events, or experiences that mark or constitute a major milestone or change in a person's life.” As I am solidly in my fifties, I have of course experienced many wonderful rites of passage including graduation from university, baptism, and my marriage 25 years ago. On the other hand, burying a parent is definitely a significant rite of passage which reinforces the passing of time and one’s own mortality. An elderly friend of my husband once said that the worst thing about getting older is losing your friends and family and I can see his point.
Having said that, funerals and the rituals of death provide solace, closure, and the opportunity to start moving forward. Some prehistoric people began burying their dead perhaps as far back as 300,000 years ago, and as modern humans developed, it is believed that communities began delineating specific areas for graves and marking the occasions with ceremonies including singing and storytelling. The history of ancient civilizations and their beliefs in the afterlife fills many books. We all know about the mummification tradition in Egypt which began around 3500BC and began because of their belief that there needed to be a preserved body on the earth in order for the soul to have hope of eternal life. In Northern Europe from about 800AD, Vikings aspired to ship burials in which the deceased were placed in a small boat along with a few precious items and then the ship was set ablaze or sometimes buried. Some Native Americans built mounds as high as 70 feet to house their dead along with gifts and possessions to aid the soul in their journey to the afterlife.
Even within modern Christian traditions there are differences between funeral rites and ceremonies and within my own life experiences, I have noticed significant differences between funerals in England and the American South. One big difference is how quickly funerals take place. In the UK it is not uncommon for Christian funerals to take place at least two weeks after death and sometimes closer to a month or more. This is especially true in the winter months as it is statistically proven that in the northern hemisphere January has a higher number of deaths than any other month. England is roughly the size of Montana, except it has about 60 million people vs Montana’s 1 million. The population density, especially in the bigger cities, can lead to a significant backlog within the funeral industry. In the USA funerals tend be much sooner, usually within 3-7 days of death. Cremation is more popular in the UK: approximately 70% of funerals in the land of my birth compared to around 50% in the USA.
One thing that shocked me when I first went to a traditional Southern funeral for my father-in-law over twenty years ago was the visitation. At the time I had no idea what that was and my husband explained that it was friends and relatives visiting in the funeral home the evening before the funeral. I wish he had also explained the concept of an open casket and that we would all be visiting next to the deceased. In the UK, close family members and friends will sometimes make a personal visit to the Chapel of Rest but the closest thing to the visitation that I had then heard of is the traditional Irish wake. In Ireland this pre-funeral ritual is a time when guests gather to pay respects and support the bereaved family, often in their home, where the body of the deceased is present and often in an open casket. The casket is closed prior to the funeral, and during and after the funeral, it remains closed. In England, caskets are nearly always closed during the ceremony and the wake is a sedate gathering of refreshments at the family home, hotel or village hall immediately after the funeral and burial or committal for the crematorium.
There is a lot more information at www.britannica.com and www.history.com
I will leave you with a quote from England’s most famous Elizabethan playwriter, the great William Shakespeare, from his masterpiece Hamlet: “All that live must die, passing through nature to eternity”. Just another little reminder to make the most of every day!
God bless America!
Lesley grew up in London, England and made Georgia her home in 2009. She can be contacted at lesley@francis.com or via her full-service marketing agency at www.lesleyfrancispr.com
