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The best way to find your soulmate
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You are fun, vibrant, attractive -- an all around great catch, doing everything you can think of to find "the one." So, why can't you? You might be surprised by the answer. - photo by Cristel Romero
A few years ago, many of my co-workers were young college students. We worked long, 12-hour graveyard shifts together. We had a lot of opportunities to talk and get to know each other. One of the most common things we talked about was how difficult it was to find the right person. I, being the old married woman (to them, 29 might as well have been 40), was constantly asked the same question:

How do I find the one?

I would then listen to each describe what he or she was looking for.

"A good man, who doesnt want to go out and party every night, or "A girl that Im not nervous to have meet my parents, or "Someone laid back, who enjoys partying and going out.

I would then hear about how they met their latest exes on their conquests to love. Usually, after hearing how they met their exes, I would have to suppress a laugh. The first two, while looking for someone to take home to Mom, met their exes at a party. And the guy who wanted a girl to go out and party with? Well, he met her at a church social.

It blew my mind that they were so confused as to why they werent finding what they were looking for. The answer to their question seemed so obvious to me. Its mind-blowingly simple, really. So, how do you find your soul mate?

Be Yourself

If you are doing things you dont normally do and acting like someone you arent, solely in the name of finding love, you are never going to find who you are looking for. It also isnt fair to those you start to date. Its not his or her fault you pretended to be someone you werent. Here are a couple situations to avoid when searching for love:

1. Posting false information on social media and dating websites

For example, dont claim to enjoy skydiving when you cant even ride the Ferris Wheel without throwing up. Guess what? You are great just the way you are. If someone doesnt click on your profile just because you dont match what he is looking for, that is a good thing. You want to find someone who loves you for you, and not for who they think you are.

2. Going to places you arent comfortable at or doing things you normally wouldnt

If you dont enjoy going to the bar, dont go there to find someone. If you dont want to go to church every Sunday, dont tell someone you will. Its not fair to either of you.

3. Expecting others to be who you want them to be

Accept them and they will accept you. You cant change someone. If you arent willing to change for them, accept that he or she won't change for you.

4. Changing your personality or looks to be how you think someone wants you to be

You met this really hot guy who typically goes for blue-eyed blondes -- that doesnt mean you should go out and dye your hair and get colored contacts. In the long run, neither of you will be happy. I cant say it enough: You are good enough just the way you are and your soulmate will see that. You wont need to change a thing.

5. Expecting different results by doing the same thing

You wouldnt go to the same movie twice hoping it ends differently, would you?

If you sincerely want to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, be honest with yourself. Then, remain true to yourself. In turn, you will find someone who values you and truly wants to be with you. Dont force love. Relax and let it come to you. You are worth it and true love is worth the wait.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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