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Mary Forsberg Weilands emotional letter highlights the dangers of having an absent father
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Mary Forsberg Weiland's ex-husband Scott, the rock musician who was the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots, died last week, and there's a reason she doesn't want you to honor him. - photo by Herb Scribner
Scott Weiland, the singer of Stone Temple Pilots, died late last week after a battle with drug addiction at the age of 48, according to CNN. Weiland was on tour with his current band The Wildabouts and had been in Minnesota at the time of his death. Cocaine was found at the scene, and another band member was arrested for possession of the controlled substance.

Despite these dark details, Weilands death has been somewhat glorified and that hasnt sat well with his ex-wife, Mary Forsberg Weiland.

The outpouring of condolences and prayers offered to our children, Noah and Lucy, has been overwhelming, appreciated and even comforting, Weiland wrote for Rolling Stone. But the truth is, like so many other kids, they lost their father years ago. What they truly lost on December 3rd was hope.

Weiland wrote that her ex-husbands death has been commemorated and his life glorified for the songs he has performed, even though he didnt always live the greatest lifestyle nor did he do right by his kids.

She detailed how she spent hours calming his paranoid fits, pushing him into the shower and filling him with coffee, just so that I could drop him into the audience at Noah's talent show, or Lucy's musical.

Even after her husband got remarried, he didnt spend time with Mary Weilands children, nor did he pay child support, she wrote. Despite his absence, Lucy and Noah still held out hope that their father would return and yet he never did.

Noah and Lucy never sought perfection from their dad, she wrote. They just kept hoping for a little effort. If you're a parent not giving your best effort, all anyone asks is that you try just a little harder and don't give up. Progress, not perfection, is what your children are praying for.

If what Weiland wrote about is true, its not hard to fault her for her concerns. After all, studies have shown that children raised without fathers often struggle in a number of ways, in areas such as academic achievement, social development and overall mental wellbeing, according to The Brookings Institute.

These children are also more at risk for parental abuse, neglect and may even be less likely to graduate from high school and college, according to Brookings.

Single parents only have one income coming into the house, according to Isabel V. Sawhill of Brookings. On top of that, single parents often have to spend a greater proportion of their income on child care because they do not have a co-parent to stay home with the child while they work. Even beyond having more income, two parents also have more time to spend with the child.

And a study from researchers at McGill University in Canada found that children who grow up without fathers are more likely to be more aggressive in life and may even turn to drugs, according to the Daily Mail.

These children have been shown to have an increased risk for deviant behaviour and in particular, girls have been shown to be at risk for substance abuse, Dr. Gabriella Gobbi of McGill University told the Daily Mail.

Its because of these reasons that Mary Forsberg Weiland wrote her piece for Rolling Stone. She wants people to understand the importance of caring for children, especially when their fathers are gone.

I don't share this with you to cast judgment, I do so because you most likely know at least one child in the same shoes, she wrote for Rolling Stone. If you do, please acknowledge them and their experience. Offer to accompany them to the father-daughter dance, or teach them to throw a football. Even the bravest girl or boy will refrain from asking for something like that; they may be ashamed, or not want to inconvenience you. Just offer or even insist if you have to.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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