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I am a stay-at-home mother, not a housewife
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Husbands may not understand why laundry and dishes are never done, but here's the key: My job is to be a mother, not June Cleaver. - photo by Erin Stewart
Its hard to articulate what exactly a stay-at-home mother does all day, especially to her husband who comes home and wonders how it can take two weeks to fold one basket of laundry or why taking a shower is the Holy Grail of any daily routine.

One afternoon, I recognized these questions in my husbands eyes as he walked through the door to groceries still sitting in the mudroom, crafting paper and beads strewn across the floor, and no dinner on the counter. He would never say anything, but I could tell in his eyes that he thought my day had been a failure and in my heart I wondered if he thought I was one, too.

The strangest thing for me in that moment was that I had just been thinking what a wonderful day I had enjoyed with my children. It was one of those days where no one was bickering and we all seemed to just be enjoying being together, going to the park, getting groceries and then getting out every craft supply in the house and making creative knickknacks for no reason at all. We were singing silly songs and losing track of time, so making dinner and actually getting the groceries into the cupboards didnt happen.

I realized as my husband surveyed the scene that he was seeing my motherhood from a very different angle than I do. I would bet many husbands struggle with what their wives accomplish as stay-at-home mothers. I mean, if he doesnt get his job done at work, he gets fired. Why cant she stay on top of her duties, too?

A recent article in The Huffington Post addressed this issue, saying stay-at-home mothers are often not as Type A as their husbands and so dont care as much about keeping up with housework.

That sweeping generalization totally misses the point. I am about as Type A of a person as youll ever meet. Im ambitious, driven and want to be the best at whatever I do. Seriously. I want to be the winner. Period.

So laziness or indifference is not the reason I dont fit the perfect June Cleaver mold. The issue is, I evaluate my success or failure as a mother on things that cant be viewed objectively when my husband walks through the door.

I did not give up a successful career and an identity to be a housewife. I am not a maid. I am not a chef. I am not a laundromat. I am a mother.

My Type-A ambition means I am going to do whatever it takes to be the best mother I can be to my children not so I can have a hot dinner on the table every night or a picture-perfect household.

For me, my success at motherhood boils down to three specific items on my job description:

Teach my children every day. This could be a big moment, like my recent sex talk with my daughter, or it could be something as simple as how to share with a friend. Every moment of my day is spent teaching in some small way. I teach frugality as my children see me put things back on the shelf that arent in the budget this month. I teach them kindness as I arbitrate disagreements. I teach work ethic as I enforce chores. Helping my children learn is one of the main reasons I stay home with my children. I want to be the one teaching the lessons I think are valuable.

Show love to my children: Home should be a safe place where my children feel unconditionally loved. Mothers set the tone for that love as we speak kindly, enforce rules consistently and seek to understand our childrens feelings. If my children feel loved at the end of the day, I have done my job.

Of course, daily motherhood also has an operational component. I make lunches and dinners, clean toilets, wipe noses, register for soccer, enforce piano practice and about a million other things every day to keep our home running and my family functioning. I try to keep a reasonably clean house to teach my children cleanliness and to make our home a happy place. And I try to have dinner ready for my husband because I love him.

But those things are not central to what I do and who I am as a mother. Some days, the house will be an inexplicable disaster. Dinner will be leftovers. I will be a total failure by any measure of a housewife. Go ahead fire me.

Almost all of my most successful days as a mother have nothing to do with pot roast or Pinterest. My mother-of-the-year moments come when my daughters treat other people like children of God, or when they set the table with the fork on the left because I taught them how. I am a success when my children are confident in themselves and in my love.

No, Im not lazy about motherhood. I treat it as the single most important thing I will do with my life. Like most mothers, I work hard at it, even though my efforts often go unnoticed and unthanked.

So, to all you dads who are greeted with chaos when you walk through the door, look a little closer. Are your kids smiling? Do they run to you with hugs? Are they loved, happy and secure?

If so, forget the mess. Hug your wife. Thank her for taking her most important job so seriously.

Because there is no one who can do it better.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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