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Finding the spirit of Christmas amid chaos
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"The Magic of Children at Christmas," edited by Alicia Walters, contains childhood Christmas memories from 20 women. - photo by Alicia Walters
As December rolls around too quickly for busy mothers and fathers, the Christmas spirit can at times seem far off. As I reflect on loved ones who have passed on who I will not be able to wish a Merry Christmas, my heart feels a yearning for Christmases past. I find myself wanting to prepare the Christmas desserts I once shared with them and sing the songs we used to sing together.

Then my heart is heavier as I think of the expectations of my children and the emptiness of my wallet and all the preparations that must be made the cooking and cleaning to be done, the errands, the wrapping and rearranging the ornaments for the hundredth time after my children have done their best to disassemble the tree. At this time, I am not feeling the Christmas spirit I used to feel as a child.

In the larger picture, the world is torn apart. Political and cultural clashes ring out an overwhelming clatter and I want to hold my children close and protect them with all that I am. Im trying in the small way I can to make their Christmas memorable.

I took my children to a Christmas tree lot to see the seasonal reindeer Dasher and Dancer that have made their annual visit to town. We spent the afternoon at the mall; then, as we were leaving one store, the security alarm went off. I could feel my face turn red because I knew that my young son had snitched something. I pulled out my purse, the diaper bag, the pretzels my kids half ate, four bottles, a few random toys, a pile of napkins, four winter coats, two blankets, and at the bottom of all that a brand new Thomas the Train toy with the sticker on it.

"Oh, my son stuck this in here." I handed the toy back to the clerk and left with my disappointed son who is too young to understand money.

I pulled our stroller over to a mall bench and began the process of suiting up my four young children to go out into the cold to get back in our car. Between my fussy kids who are ready for dinner and a tired mom who doesnt feel like wrestling four wildebeests to get their coats on, it seemed like a great accomplishment to get everyone ready to go home.

Once there, I put away all the coats and hats, fed them dinner and put on a Christmas cartoon while I tried to get some wrapping done. There is a law of the universe that says that any mother who tries to accomplish anything will be met with opposition at every turn. Fair warning, if you have an aversion to nails on a chalkboard, paper cuts or people who chew ice, you may not want to read further.

As I tried hurriedly to wrap some Christmas presents, I got tape stuck to the inside of my mouth (dont ask) and pulled it off along with the top layer of skin. I did not feel the Christmas spirit then. Nor did I feel the Christmas spirit when one of my babies fell face first into the entertainment center, knocking the TV down and splitting the screen in two. Nor did I feel the Christmas spirit when the Christmas tree scented candle I ordered slipped out of my hands and shattered to pieces on the floor or when I felt my bare foot get a splinter of glass stuck in it.

I also don't feel the Christmas spirit about every 2.4 seconds when one of my children decides to wail and sob that one of my other children has taken his Beanie Boo, or that the Tooth Fairy didn't remember to bring her coins. Nor when hearing the constant sound of the metal spring door stoppers going "GA-BOI-ING!" as the babies entertain themselves, which is actually more pleasant than hearing one of the babies hit their head on the floor.

Such events have driven me to looking up the toxicity level of the poinsettia (for myself) but it turns out it has been grossly exaggerated, so at least the poinsettia is safe.

On the other hand, while the Christmas spirit I may feel is different than when I was a child, it is perhaps more full of hope than ever before hope that I will indeed see my loved ones again, hope that my children will one day know how much I love them, hope that as they see me dashing to and fro with piles of Christmas cards and bowls of cookie dough, they will get a taste of the joy that serving others brings.

Above all, regardless of what failings I may have as a mother or the constant ways our world is failing children, Jesus doesn't fail them, for it is he who said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven (Mathew 19:14).

Truly the Christmas spirit is never far from me because I feel it whenever I look into the guileless eyes of my children and remember who sent them to me.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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