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5 things divorce will NOT fix
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When your relationship veers off course and reaches a point of no return, there are 5 things that wont automatically get fixed when you walk away. - photo by Georgia Lee
Divorce is difficult, no matter how clear cut or muddled the marriage or decision to separate may be. But if you think you can walk away from everything tied to your union when you sign the paper or leave home, you are sadly mistaken. You may attempt to come out of a bad situation unscathed, but here are five things that will not be resolved just because you undid your I do.

Divorce cannot fix:

1. The other person

Divorce is not an ultimatum or a call to action. Threatening or following through on divorce will not break an addict from his addiction, an adulterer from his affairs, or an unavailable partner from his distance. Likewise, while breaking free from an abusive situation will help you physically, there is still a lot of work to do psychologically and emotionally to healing from those wounds. And you cannot make those changes for the other person. Divorce on its own wont motivate an abuser to change; he has to come to that decision himself.

2. You

On the other hand, divorce also cannot fix you. Whatever flaws or failings you brought into or developed within the marriage will stay with you long after the papers are signed if you let them lay. Separating yourself from your partner is only one step in correcting brokenness in your relationship. You were a part of that brokenness in some way and have to put in the work to heal and complete yourself when the relationship has dissolved.

3. Your feelings and faith

The harsh or contentious feelings that lead to your divorce will not dissolve with the relationship. Nor will any shakiness you felt in your faith because of what your partner put you through. Your feelings of happiness, wholeness, health and trust will only return when you make a commitment to letting them lead your new life.

4. Your past or future

We tend to marry our problems; meaning whatever issues were left unresolved from our earlier years tends to be sought out in our partners and magnified until resolution. These are largely unconscious choices we are making in our partners to ultimately draw out the problems and help us heal. But if these problems could not be rectified in the marriage, this means they are still present even after a divorce. And any future relationships would have elements of the same issues.

5. Your marriage

Divorce cannot fix your marriage. This may seem to go without saying, but it needs to be understood that many people marry, divorce, and then remarry the same people every year. These relationships rarely go the distance and fewer than 10% of these reunions last. But the underlying thought is that time apart to reorganize and let tensions fall before re-engaging in a relationship is helpful to solidifying a union. A well thought out and organized separation with an intention to reunite may be helpful in fixing whatever problems arise in a marriage; along with outside intervention in most cases. But divorce is not to be used as a serious separation. It means the marriage is entirely over and should only be used in such dire circumstances.

Divorce is an avenue to a clean start but its not a guaranteed clean slate. Be clear about what divorce will and wont get you: it will distance you from your partner, but it wont change either of you on its own.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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